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Breaking
up can be hard. We’ve all been there and saying the right thing can often seem an
insurmountable obstacle, with emotions and adrenaline running high, it’s all
too easy to keep it bottled up and remain in a loveless relationship. But it
doesn’t always have to be so hard…

When Vodafone announced that it was to allow its customers to break their contracts
free of charge on the back of price hikes – as long as they wrote to Vodafone
by June 28^th – Three was incredibly concerned: what if those
customers missed the deadline? They’d be locked in to inflated contracts, and no
longer be able to enjoy the thrill of low prices.

With so much to say and so little time, Three is doing the legwork for Vodafone
customers across the UK by employing comedian and part-time politician Rufus
Hound to pen the ultimate break-up letter.

Featuring his unique brand of eloquent and off-the-wall humour, Rufus’ template break-up
letter ensures that Vodafone customers won’t be tongue-tied when it comes to
turning their backs on their partner.

All customers have to do is log onto the Three Blog (URL here) to get their hands
on a template for the perfect break-up letter, making for a quick and painless
separation. Breaking up has never been so easy!

Rufus Hound’s template for the
perfect breakup letter:

Dear
Vodafone,

The end.
Such a hard thing to start, no? Far more difficult than the beginning.
Beginnings are so full of… Promise! Discovery! Excitement! But endings?
Endings force us to accept that none of those things were enough. We were
kidding ourselves. That the 2L bottle of ice-cold cola we brought to life’s
picnic is now a half-finished flagon of flat, warm, syrup; topless and
unwanted. The waste enkindling guilt. A thing for wasps.

It’s no
surprise to me that we run to our record collections in these times. Sheltering
from an unknown future in a familiar past. In 1979 two things were born. One
was me. The other? Barbara Streisand & Donna Summer’s seminal “No More
Tears”:

“I
had no choice from the start, I’ve gotta listen to my heart, tearing us apart.
Enough is enough is enough.” 

Wise
words. Wise, disco-y words.
 
Maybe you thought that forcing Yoda to
appear in your adverts would work like some Jedi mind trick, making me forget
how you’ve treated me. Or that seeing your name on Lewis Hamilton’s racing
cummerbund would be so dazzling, that I’d start to wonder how I could ever have
doubted you. Maybe you thought that by increasing my phone bill I’d be too
broke and broken to look for someone else. Someone better.

Or maybe
you just weren’t thinking of me at all. God – that’s just so you.

Any
chance we had to get things back on track disappeared a long time ago. I’ve
been putting up with this for too long. I’m at a point now where I look back at
all the things you’ve done and don’t feel angry – just sad that I lacked the
self-respect to say “No more” sooner.

Well, no
more.

Tear up
that contract. Delete my email address. Don’t phone me (especially considering
what you charge – and we all know how you hate spending money on other people).
It’s over.

It’s. Just. Over

– ENDS –